Not quite an update but...

I have been gone for quite some time. My work was put on hiatus due to a car accident and surgery that followed 5 months after. My mother came up to help me and I have to say that it is quite difficult to have a mother help you when she is a manic-depressive with violent and suicidal tendencies. I do have to give her credit and say she did quite well until today. Let it be said that she is no longer here and I shipped her off onto the next bus, not because she told me to but because I do believe I might have done something unspeakable if I did not.

I have been submitted to a litany of foul, banshee-like screeching with every word calculated to be the worst possible thing ANYONE could possilby imagine to say. I was called a "C", a "B", a "F-C" and told that everything that has ever happened to me was my own fault and I deserved it. I was also told that I let everything happen to me. I know that you, my reader, has no idea what has happened but as a woman, just imagine the worst things you could imagine a boyfriend or husband doing, it has been done. My own mother told me I deserved it and I let it happen and I also never did anything about it because I never took illegal means as punishment.

I am feeling broken today. I am also feeling that I need to write again because I need an outlet and I also need anonymity. I will not be as broken as I feel. Words are only words but sadly they are a weapon. I will not use mine as a weapon, only expression.

I can only hope and pray somehow that my mother feels some shame and regret for what she did and said. There is a saying somewhere that says something along the lines that it takes a lifetime to gain trust, but only a second to lose it. This is not the first time it has been lost but this one hurt the most.