Just another manic Monday

I was just thinking about how fast the weekend went by and how so much of it was consumed by stress that I just DID NOT WANT. The man that I had wanted to marry will not stay out of my life even though ... well, suffice it to say that he is obligated by law to stay away. I realized last night that I am enabling him to do this. My own guilt and conscience aids and abets him and permits him to harass me and scare the living bejeesus out of me. I made a choice to quit enabling him awhile back and even though I fall sometimes, I have been falling less and less. Last night was a night I did not fall and I am proud of it.

Anyway, point being, I have to work tomorrow as do a lot of you out there. I am exhausted, in a very literal sense and a very emotional sense. I am barely back to full-time and I am having to balance this "other" life on the side-lines and I just can't do it. I go back on call as of Wednesday night and I cannot handle this extra drama.

So to all of you people out there who are trying to deal with ending a relationship with an abusive partner and you just can't quite do it but you're trying really hard? I feel you. I really do. The truth comes in ignoring and sticking to it. Do not answer the door. Do not pick up the phone. Do not answer or send text messages or emails. Do this for your piece of mind and sanity. They eventually let up, if not eventually stop, if they don't get the response they want.

Please be thinking of me and give me strength to continue so I do not give in. Rihanna said if something like this happens, do not make your choice based on LOVE. That is the most difficult thing to do. Do not make your choice based on emotions.