Things I covet, often wonder and blunder.

First, I wonder why my cat is sitting on my alarm clock, which is rather small and is batting at all my, what MUST be, offensive jewelry that is sitting on my nightstand. I find it peculiar, or "often wonder", why it is that she is so tabby-esk, for lack of a better term. I have another cat that is of the long-haired Himalayan type, although not thorough-bred. His behaviour is so radically different although typical of this type of cat. It makes me wonder why behaviour traits are just that... traits. My tabby is so much of a tabby in her curiousity, playfulness and attitude that I cannot see her as any other kind.

Anyway, far be it from me to be deemed as one of those dreadful "cat people". Reminds me of a friend I have on one of those damned social networking sites who is constantly posting about their newest kittens and the interactions between those and their current adult cats. Eeessshhh, may I never digress to being like that until I am in my old age.

Oh! Right, I covet this silly little song "Fireflies" by Owl City. The line of getting hugs from a thousand lightning bugs while teaching me to dance really brings something to my heart and mind that was somehow forgotten in childhood. Maybe not so much forgotten but put aside. I really enjoy this song and will stop everything at work to put both plugs in my ears and lose myself in a trance. I feel happy and content that I can still find this simple joy in music and I hope and pray that I will never, ever lose this. I want to compile a "Life" album one day soon and in typing this, I am surprised to remember that I have actually started this but it was with intentions to share it with the man I had intended to marry. THAT is another topic in itself which I don't know if I will ever share. I still cling to my anonymity as though it is a favourite piece of clothing that I dare not ever give away, for fear of losing some part of myself.

I was on a not so brief hiatus that I might have noted in my prior post from the 15th. I am back at work and only having been so for less than a month, it does not surprise me, yet it does surprise me, that there are so many nuances I have not missed! Although I do not miss the interaction with people. When one has been so consumed and almost physically owned by pain, it is nice to feel "owned' in another sense, such as owned by your team or your manager or your job. There is a feeling of being needed that is balancing somehow.

I am seated with my colleagues but also seated with some other employees that both instilled feelings of ... displacement? I have come to realize prior to today that my current occupation is but a stepping stone. I am living it for the moment because it meets my needs and I am good at it. I have always felt there is more to me in this life though, than IT. One of the "other employees" today was mentioning Meyers-Briggs tests and I have thoroughly enjoyed and have a certain amount of faith in these "boxed types of people" results. Of course there will always be discrepancies, etc. but I have found a way to categorize my understanding of people by these tests.

Anyway, I was more than willing to talk about how I am an INTJ that can be an INTP, depending on the day. Now this employee is a regional director of some high up group of yadda-yadda and so-and-so and I have always enjoyed talking with him. It did not surprise me that he was also the same as me. Our discussions that followed, however, did reinstate this feeling that I am not meant to stay in my current field. Regardless, I cannot and will not act on this yet but it further concretes my need to update my life plan and continue to reach further and higher.

Now, this OTHER employee who just recently moved into our cubicle farm is involved in some work that should be mine, by all rights and purposes. I feel as though he has my job and somehow something went wrong somewhere hahaha. I really am quite interested in what he is doing and perhaps it is not so exciting because I am on the other side of the fence. I think my mild obsession with this brief conversation is that I was quite envious of the tools he had to work with. I feel as though I am working with archaeic and obsolete tools but by the very system I am working in, I am bound and I am proficient within my boundaries. It just saddens me to see someone working with something so fancy, so adept, so easy to manipulate. Although it strikes me in this same train of thought that the foundation in which I work is extremely complex and in it's old ways gives me the better understanding and respect for the tools which this other guy is using.

*Sigh* So now I must sleep. I don't feel as I gave many insights today nor did I have any great revelations. But these are my thoughts and that which I share with you...

Good night. :)